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| 01:49pm 23/11/2008 |
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mood:  chipper
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Going to leave for Ventura/ Camarillo pretty soon. Wish I could take my puppy with me :(. Oh well I'll only be gone for 1 day. I bought new jeans today, it was pretty exciting, I love buying jeans. No work for me! until tomorrow at least. But still, I love my job and it goes by quick.
I really wish I had like $1,000,000 dollars to spend on whatever I wanted, that would be sweet. But I totally just bought my very own car. Not my parents car, MY car! yay. It is a 1997 Honda Accord, and it is like a dark greenish color, but not like forest green. It's not the prettiest car, but its pretty cute, and it runs, and it has a cd player, and I like it a lot. So yay for that.
It was nice to talk to my best friend for more than five mins last night, I love her a lot, even though things have been rough the past... two years I guess... wow, it really is my second year of college already. Which is good, I'm on track and should be able to transfer when I'm ready. I want to go on a road trip for like 2 weeks this summer, that would be sooo awesome, well if I can take the time off work...
Ok... <3 ADIOS |
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| SLUTS SUCK A LOT OF COCK AND BETRAY THEIR FRIENDS FOR BOYS |
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| 02:07pm 21/11/2008 |
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mood: Venting music: The Format
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So things have been really weird lately. I found out that someone I considered one of my really good friend, maybe even a best friend, 1 never was a good friend to me all along, and 2 didn't consider me to be one of their good friends. I don't get how someone can pretend to be such a good friend, but really was a backstabbing SLUT bitch whore. I know that it has nothing to do with the boy, yea he was my first, and I thought I loved him for over two years, it is the fact that I cared about HER. Countless times would she call me late at night crying, I would tell her to come over, stay the night with me, and try my best to make her feel like everything would all work out. I would listen to all her bullshit about boys, and other bad friends, and always be there to support her. I would always ask her how her day was, and text her in the mornings to say have a great day!
I feel so betrayed that she would do something like that to me, and keep it a secret for over two years. Are you that big of a slut that you couldn't keep it in your pants for two seconds and actually consider how you would make other people feel?! You really are that big of a pussy, don't have the guts, to fess up to the things you have done wrong. Things would be different if she would have told me as soon as it happened, because at the time I probably would have said, it's fine, I don't care, I don't even like him anymore, I have someone way better in my life. But after lying to me for two fucking years, I don't know if I can forgive you. You act like you are such a good friend, but you're not, and I'm not the only one that sees that. How can you get mad at Kendra when you did something very similar, but worse to me?! And you were mad at ME for not hanging out and not talking to you. HA.
Sorry really needed to vent more about ^^ this situation. I wish I could say that all to her, but there really is no point anymore.
I was trying to tell you something really important that is happening in my life, but all you can talk about is yourself. Kind of sucked, but I know you didn't mean to hurt me, or ignore me. |
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| 07:42pm 20/11/2008 |
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mood: chipper music: The Format
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Things have been crazy lately, I'm sorry to mention this Chels, but I can't wait to go camping and just get away from it all. Take my Madi on walks, and not feel weird or scared to be alone. To be around my family, and just have a good time. Even though it won't be the same without Chelsea or any of the other girls. And cause it will be colder than a mfcker out there.
Going to see the Misfits tomorrow in Ventura... not really into them, but I haven't been to a concert/show in a long time. Hopefully it will be fun, and relaxing.
School still sucks, but this semester is almost over, I just have to keep thinking that... but then, another starts, blah!
Still need to get some more warm clothes for camping cause I remember how freezing it was last year. |
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| 04:59pm 05/10/2008 |
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mood:  confused music: The Used
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I think I'm over it for real this time.
Especially after the dream I had last night? Do dreams really mean things? Do they show where my heart is? GAH
..."it's hard to say how I feel today, for years gone by, and I cried... It's hard to say that I was wrong, it's hard to say I miss you since you been gone, it's not the same..."
Let's hang out please. |
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| 11:10pm 31/08/2008 |
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mood:  frustrated music: The Used
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School started last week and so far so good. I just don't feel like doing homework for my online class, but I really need to.
GJDKLSFJKL WHYYYYYYY... :(:(:(:( fckfckfckkkk
ok.
^^sorry.
umm... I really like my new job. I got a promotion at Macy's and I am now working at the Clinique counter so come buy makeup from me. I got a raise, and I make commission and get a bunch of free shit.
It is basically awesome.
It is all I can think about and I hate it. Why cant I just forget it... and move on.. completely!?
goodnight. |
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| 11:07pm 11/04/2008 |
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mood:  nostalgic
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"So today was a good day, I didn't even have to use my A.K,
At least I didn't get my heart broken anyway.."
I miss listening to The Ataris. I think that calls for a new ring tone.
I went to SLO with Katie today and saw my cousins.
I can't believe Vicki and Brett got engaged. Her ring is SO beautiful.
Then came home and went to work. It was really busy so it went by quick which was nice.
I miss my best friend. A lot. I wish she would have never had to move to WI, or they could just pick WI up and switch it with AZ or something. That would be amazing. I would love life like 10 times more.
LALALA... going through memories last night made me miss a lot of things
such as
-Kairos
-High School Dances
-People I knew in high school
-People I was good friends with throughout high school
-Camping
-Camping with certain people
(P.S all the memories are from the past four years because that is when i started saving stuff)
-Warped tour
-Shows
-Prom 2006 2007 2008
-Starbucks with certain people at night
-Sitting outside my house in cars
-Sitting 3 houses down in the car getting drunk
-Getting drunk in Jennys neighborhood
-Getting drunk period
-Sky vodka
-Alaskan Water
-Fruit snacks
-FREE Starbucks
-Bon Fires
-Ditching school
-taking drug free photos HAHAAHAHA
-Getting caught ditching school
-BASS LAKE (The good times at least)
-Parties from high school whenever my parents went out of town
-Getting drunk in my bedroom with my parents home
ok this list could go on forever and I'm sure you are bored by now.
Goodnight <3 |
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| 08:57pm 22/03/2008 |
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mood:  blank music: GUESS
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So... I've been super confused lately.
I don't know what I want anymore... something from the past is tugging at me... and I want to give in sooo bad... but I shouldn't. Just, not yet.
Worked all day... it sucked. Now I'm at home bored... thinking about how I want to go to Starbucks, like back in the day, and sit outside for hours drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. Depressing.
I just don't know if I am happy... Most of the time I am. most of the time.
I miss my friends.
"The night smells like December
And we're deep undercover
Staking out what could be better than all the money in the world
And I am watching you and I am waiting
For the perfect time to start participating
And you signal me to stay
But I open my mouth anyway
Now it's over, we're goners
It's out of our control
And if there's one thing that I know
It's that it's best to let it roll
So lets just let it roll
Let's just let it roll
Your hazel eyes paralyze my senses
Cut me down to size defenseless
I'm defenseless
And I know it's late but I am waiting
For the moment that I've been anticipating
And I signal you to go, where it will take us I don't know
And now it's over, we're goners
It's out of our control
And if there's one thing that I know
It's that it's best to let it roll
So let's just let it roll
Let's just let it roll
Just don't waste your night before it's started
Make sure I'm worth every single second, Yeah
And now it's over, we're goners
It's out of our control
And if there's one thing that I know
It's that it's best to let it roll
So let's just let it roll
Let's just let it roll
And now it's over, we're goners
It's out of our control
And if there's one thing that I know
It's that it's best to let it roll
So let's just let it roll
Let's just let it roll" |
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| 02:31pm 19/11/2007 |
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mood: ecstatic
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Camping in two days. I am so freaking excited, but not as exciting as the fact that I get to see my best friend who I haven't seen in MONTHS! This will be the best week of the year! Well, it is every year... Chels, I swear to God, if you throw up on me this time I will SHIT all over your sleeping bag and pillows :) HAHAHAHAHAHA... just kidding... well... maybe... hahahahah, I am evillll!
Anyways... This year should be amazing... I am ready to get CRUNK FO' JESUS! And the love of my life will be there the whole time, YAY.
Okay... byebye |
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| 10:33pm 09/09/2007 |
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Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out. |
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| 04:07pm 17/08/2007 |
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mood: happy
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So my mom and I went to go buy my books for the semester, and I only got books for three of my classes cause I'm not for sure in all of them yet, but it was already $300! My parents are used to it I guess, after paying for books at St. Joes for the past 6 years. All the public school kids are dreading it but everyone at St.Joes already knows what buying books is like. Yea it fucking BLOWS! So I'm going to go dye my hair dark brown right now, I was going to go blond but I'll do that some other time :). My roots are coming in so I need to do something about that PRONTO! So I have a new song, and I dedicate it to that one whore named MARGAUX :).
From the first time that i saw you
I thought you crawled out of Us magazine
Its no wonder that it wasn't all you
All the things that i wanna be
Everybody loved you and they treated you
Like you stepped out of a TV show
But if they really got the chance to meet you
They'd finally see how hard you blow
I hate you, i hate you
Cause i see through
To what a fake you are
You disgust me, thats why you must be hated
Like the winner of beauty pageant
You are the one i most admire
But as a loser i can only imagine
Wearing that crown but your heads on fire
Your the real American idol
Your the poor mans mandy moore
Your the e true Hollywood story
About a two face strip mall whore
I hate you, i hate you
Cause i see through
To what a fake you are
You disgust me, thats why you must be hated
You got a lot of stuff
Stuff you don't deserve
You got a lot of friends
You got a lot of nerve
Trust me, you must be hated
La la la
La la la
La la-la la
La la la
Trust me, you must be hated
I wish i had your money
I wish i had your ride
I wish i had your boyfriend
I wish you'd choke and die
I hate you, i hate you
Cause i see through
To what a bitch you are
You disgust me, thats why you must be hated
I hate you, i hate you (la la la)
Cause i see through (la la la)
To what a bitch you are (la la la)
You disgust me, thats why you must be hated
Haha I guess I can be mean at times. |
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| 07:12am 18/05/2007 |
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mood:  crushed
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You'll never know what its like. And you'll never know how it feels. I love him so much, and I am so happy, and no one can take that away from me. I'll never give up. |
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| 10:34am 20/12/2006 |
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mood: happy music: Death Cab For Cutie
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It is December 20th, 2006. It is 10:34.
This school year has already gone by so quickly, and sooner then I realize it will be 2007, the year I graduate. It is really weird to start thinking about it, in detail. I'm sitting here in my PJ's, nothing REALLY to do today except pick up my boii from work. I can't wait to see him. I love him so much, its INSANE.
I love Christmas time, even though its hard to buy some peoples gifts, I love shopping for them, and I love giving people presents. It's a lot of fun. I hope I get to decorate our Christmas tree tonight. I hope Katie is home early enough to get that done tonight. I kind of want the house to myself, with a fire going, and all the Christmas lights lit up!
Things have been pretty good lately, not fighting is amazing. I think I want it to be like this forever. Yea every once in a while it happens, but not an every day thing. I know now that things are getting so much better, I can notice it, notice him trying. And I've been trying too, I don't want it to end, ever.
I want to share my happiness with him, and I will. We will be happy together, forever, and anyone that tries to get in the way of that will get walked over, and forgotten. I love my friends who have supported me through all this, and even if they didn't like it, didn't let it ruin our friendship, and still love me.
Bass Lake seems like SO long ago, maybe because it was, but things have improved, and grown so much since then.
I get to see my best friend tomorrow, and I can't wait! It will be fun, actually being in Santa Maria, but this time, I'll be driving! Haha, Christmas light looking? Starbucks? The Lobsta? Let's go to the beach!
I think today is going to be a good day, it already started out good with funny conversations, and love.
I love today. |
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| 07:31pm 30/07/2006 |
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mood: crushed music: None.
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Pretty soon she'll figure out
you can never get him out of your head
It's the way that he makes you cry
it's the way that he's in your mind
it's the way that he makes you fall in love.
Its our song.
:)
The past like... week/ week and a half have been good. They have been great. I have spent every day with the most amazing person... and people. I love my friends for putting up with me.
I just re logged back into my live journal after about a week and a half. maybe a bit longer, and everything up there has changed.
It is crazy how one small bad decision can make this HUGE domino affect on my life.
It was something that should have never happened, I should have listened to my head this time and not my heart. I knew I was setting myself up. But this time it was different... I knew it was different.
*****, I know I'm not good with words, or expressing how I feel, or even just talking to you about what I really do want to talk about. But I want you to know that I love you more than anyone, and that I care about you so much. I'll do my best to not call you, or bother you in any way after this. Know that I will NEVER hate you, or EVER forget about you. If you ever need anything, and I mean anything, call me, you know where I'll be. Make good choices, I hope for the best for you. I'll miss you more than anything. If you are ever sad, just think about all the good times we had together, and know that this was all worth it. "Its the way that he makes you feel, it's the way that he kisses you, its the way that he makes you fall in love..." Someday, right? October 11th. If things aren't better with you and ***** by then. Call me. I love you! |
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| hmm |
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| 04:51pm 12/07/2006 |
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mood: rejected music: Refused- Hook, Line, and Sinker
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Lets say it is for the best...
But is it?
Will that be the best for him.
I don't think it will.
He is going to be unhappy and hurting with her.
I don't understand how you can say you truly love someone, and care about them, and if you arn't with them, you won't be with anyone else the rest of your life, that you want to marry them, and try for your relationship 100%, and then take them away from their friends, tell them they shouldn't even have the feeling to want to be with their friends.
I don't understand how you can say you love someone, then hurt them as much as she did, and put them through all this shit.
Honestly, I wish I could beat some sense into her, and make her realize how much he cares about her, and how badly she is hurting him, and suffocating him.
I wish I could be the one holding him
the one making him happy, because I know I could.
Maybe him not even being in a relationship would be the best thing for him, because he needs to get his shit figured out, and straightened out.
October 11th. Three months from yesterday. We'll see where he is then.
Debts paid off?
Crazy girl gone?
In love and happy?
I'll give him the three months.
After that, adios.
I promise to myself and to my friends, I am really going to try to not let this whole situation get me TOO down. Yes, I will be sad, and I know they will all understand this, but fuck, I can't let this ruin my summer.
So far I really don't think this summer has topped last summer.
We still have a few weeks left.
Goals for the rest of summer.
-Get drivers license
-Get a car
-Save enough money to buy a cell phone
-Be happy
ok cool. |
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| california |
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| 03:59pm 11/07/2006 |
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mood: contemplative music: Incubus- Are You In?
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Fuckin right doggie.
I love it here
the weather is absolutely amazing.
Went and saw SAMIII at the fair :) and watched her show her lamb.
Pretty sweet :) haha.
"In this moment I feel happy,
I wish you were here."
So, he read it all today.
We'll see what happens.
He makes me smile... a lot...
La la la la
Bass lake in like 11 days
SWEET.
<3 |
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| its so hard |
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| 04:53pm 07/07/2006 |
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mood: depressed music: Dashboard Confessional- Don't Wait
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He is perfect
He has the most amazing family
He has true friends
Everyone loves him for him
He has dreams to help others
He wants to be a fireman
He isn't going to waste his life away
He isn't dumb
He got a great education
He never was in much of trouble
He is as close to me as my real brother is
I just don't understand how something like this could happen to him
He is/was healthy
He did sports throughout his whole life
Why him?
Why now?
Dear lord,
Please help keep Scotty and his family strong and safe.
Don't take away his dreams and aspirations.
Please just help them get through this rough time
I know you will stay with them, and guide them
I just ask that you don't take away his life this early.
He is just way too young, he deserves life more than anything.
I know that if you give him one more chance, if you keep him alive, he won't let you down. He will become something so amazing, he will help others, and even save others.
Please lord, give us all strength, and help Scott and his family.
Thank you.
Amen.
Everyone that reads this, please keep Scotty in your prayers.
The power of prayer is like nothing you'll ever see.
It works.
Thank you. |
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| Maybe |
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| 05:22pm 02/07/2006 |
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mood: content music: Secondhand Serenade- Your Call
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I have work in about thirty mins.
I'm already ready, except just not in my work clothes.
I love my job
And I love my friends
I just love my life all around.
except minor things, that don't have to be changed right now.
I keep realizing more and more everyday.
Everyday I get closer to Chelsea.
I'm excited to go to work, because she will be there! :)
People may think that we spend too much time together that sometime we will get sick of each other, but I just don't think that is possible.
Haha :).
I still miss him. I really hope I get to talk to him again soon. I wish I could spend 4th of July with him, at the beach, under the fireworks. That would be just amazing :). It won't happen. ha.
My puppy is sitting on my lap, shaking. She misses my daddy & mommy.
I got to talk to my sister today, it was nice. I miss her a lot, I wish I could go down to SD with my brother in a couple of weeks, but work won't permit me to go. It's okay, I'm sure I'll see her soon.
Waiting for your call
call
I'm sick
call
I'm angry
call
I'm desperate for your voice
listening to the song we used to sing.... |
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| #2138972189 |
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| 12:51am 01/07/2006 |
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mood: calm music: Coyote Shivers- Sugar High
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I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears and
Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
You find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between...
This song reminds me of him :(.
I just got home from the movies with Chels. We saw The Devil Wears Prada
It was such a good movie, maybe because I love fashion.
I immediately start to think about him.
I hope I get to talk to him again soon.
Then there is him.
I think what he said last night is a load of bullshit. He doesn't miss me as much as he says he does, and he definitely does not want me the way he says he does. It doesn't matter much to me, he'll never have me again, not until we're married. haha. I do love that boii. But whatevers.
Chelseas mom is getting married tomorrow. I'm really happy for her!
Goodnight.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I will live my life to the fullest! |
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| Honestly |
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| 12:42pm 29/06/2006 |
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mood: angry music: Taking Back Sunday- Make Damn Sure
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Boys are ridiculous, and stupid.
They always think that everything has to be a fight. It doesn't make you tough, or look cool, fighting is stupid. I wish people would understand that fighting doesn't always solve things, talking would help more.
I wish he would have understood me, instead of not actually listening. He doesn't let it get through his thick ass head, I'm growing up, and I WILL be dating guys older then me.
Gah, I get the point that he was "trying to protect" me, but hurting my friends, embarrassing me, and contradicting everything he says to me, is NOT protecting me.
There is so much to say about this, but I think I have vented enough already, to this, to my friends, and everything so. Whatever.
Today.
Nothing going on.
Probably going to clean my room, burn some CDs and just chill.
Hopefully I won't have to see my brother.
Such an asshole.
I saw him yesterday. It was so good to hug him. I miss him so much, I don't know if he really knows how I feel about him. I hope he is doing good, or even okay. As for her, I don't know, I don't like her, but if he loves her, she must be something special.
But I hope he comes back for me instead :) haha. Doubtful, very doubtful. |
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yourlove_layna's journal
